New Start

Yeah Okay my last post was in august 2007.

Lets start this shit

Okay, I know a few people who chat shit like me and we had an opportunity to meet in a sort of dick head's social centre and we enjoyed our chat. Some people say that we are racists, we are ignorant people and we are idiots. The fact is, I know a personal friend of mine who goes by the name bavmysta! :) the brown bastard that smokes weed. He's a sucker for shit, the reason why I give out his name is because the bastard wants to be heard so i guess that fucker will get what he deserves:)

Okay check this, what do you hope of 2008? tell me?

Send comments or do what the fuck you want but I have goals like getting my hormones to a new level. Like a rapist but not exactly looking for fresh meat, I'm not farmer joe but im here to be heard as the male who wishes to move on.

now im like quarter brown, quarter white, quarter mexican and the last bit im Latino.. yes im a fucking mexican latino white roasted fuck from beneath that shit.

Now as of course, you must think - whats the brown bit for? Well Brown meaning Asian.. indian/Bangladeshi/Paki Whatever east indian look a like. White meaning.. generally white people you fucker, my religion in the white bit is Christianity.

yeah im a lot of things have to follow a load of fucking religions, Sikhism, Hinduism, Church shit, latino and mexian have no religions.. great

What a fucking great life - this year i plan to get rid of them. Meaning I will not follow them, fuck about what family want or what parents force you to.

Now I Mainly mentioned my friend Bavmysta is because hes going through the samething, his fucking parents are forcing the sikhism religion on the sucker and hes bricking it out.

Now the brown roasted chicken has to do something about his religion, whether the roasted peanut wishes to 'quit' his religion is beyond my fucking mind.

Life has been a little uneasy for bavmysta and me.. We are doing drugs together and a whole load of shit. Yes its fun, takes our mind off things.

But you know the reason why we do all these things is because our families put stress on us, we cant chat about sex. I cant chat about homosexuality fucking christian bible shit. All this crap about gays and all this is crap, fuck jesus. But at the moment what we are going through is family pressure and yes we have no one to chat to. Yes we have a shit life, we chat to eachother quite a bit but we drugs to get our nerves to a sort of relaxed level.

Now for your information - to whoever is reading this.

If you are an athiest then you are cool

If you a religion, then what im going to say is....If your son doesn't want to follow your fucking religion then dont make him..

Especially mothers, all you religious mothers. fucking bitches you lot are. forcing your child to do shit they dont want to do. Yeah we all go through a stage where we hate our parents but when you put your own mother in hospital like i did. Then I guess its more hate.


Parents are fucking shit


Anyways. My new plan is to get rid of my religion.. Meaning I DONT WANT IT IN MY LIFE


Anyways bastards, anyone up for popcorn? I guess not.

Listen, i know that i used to be racist and funny taking the piss..

But now it seems that my sense of humor and shit has gone.. Thing is why?

Its because im stressed like a fucking Bitch.

So screw you..

Stretching Life

Well I thought long and hard about this but sex isn't everything right? After a while i started thinking like a rapist, every opportunity I find with a girl I just think that i should fuck. You know, like stick the pen in the cherry pie or like stick your slug in the car's exhaust pipe. The reason why i use those terms is because the penis is going a long way down, therefore the woman's hole starts to suck it in and when the hole starts the engine all this petrol or shall I say Spunk spits out and its all over the place..
to
Anyway forget the fucking business.. You stretch life right?

First you start out as a baby where everyone thinks your cute and stuff.

Then you get uglier, yeah you do like cheese growing mold. When you hit teenage life its where you have the most mold on your face for most people. Some people have good skin and dont get shitty spots and wash their face with some good ass shit.

Then you get older, your penis increases in a new length. This is because it is ready be shoved so far up a hole that it ends up on the other side, its a good thing for men, i mean you don't want a small worm OR then you will have to get a penis stretcher from ebay!

A black guy told me when he spunked his girl friend thought her biro was leaking..was horrible..ewww

That was awful its because he didn't let his penis grow, he ate sweetcorn and never let the nutrients flourish to his balls.

When we grow older we get experience more and more, trust me i've taken my raping skills to a new level, If i see an opportunity with a girl I do a Michael Jackson and drop my nose so im able to smell her pussy.

Trust me we all learn!!!!

I was in a strip club down in london and erm it was breath taking my first time and it was amazing! They had shaved pussies instead of afros! There was this one girl who took me to the back room and she showed me her body like it was the statue of liberty. Now i know americans get very horny but she was no american, this bitch was CRAZY!! Amazing! and she told me to rub her shaved bush and i was hoping for a fuck and it came!! she went on top of me and she licked me and took my trousers off.

And on my dick, i came prepared yes! IT was special, No condom. I put onion rings on my dick and yes she liked it with my home made sour cream! IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN LOL!!

But yeah she liked it, see you have to be creative with girls and suprise them and shit, she expected nothing on my dick and you probably thought I had a condom but NO i had some onion rings! Thanks Tescos! Every little helps! :P especially those onion rings haha

I kinda liked the way she told me I was different! And yes i was.. I smashed one right in her eye and she loved my cheese. It was like I set my own mouse trap.


But anyway, I thought that maybe sex was one thing but what is love?

Love is when you tell someone you love them right?

Heres my story of love.


Slag: Hi Wankie baby
ME: Yeah Hi I love you
Slag: Really?
Slag 2: YEAH REALLY? I FUCKED HIM LAST NIGHT AND HE SAID IT TO ME TOO!
Slag: What? WANKS WHAT IS GOING ON?! WHAT THE FUCK YOU JERK!!
ME: Look slag, I love you come meet me after school for ice cream

AFTER SCHOOL

Slag: Hi
ME: Heres your ice cream, SUCK MY DICK BITCH
Slag: oh my god Wanker you are so fucking unbelievable. I LIKE VANILLA YOU IDIOT
ME: Sorry let me stick it in you here, ahh yeah here we go
Slag: AHH UHH YEAH *Sex Moans and Screams*
Slag: Tell me you love me
ME: I LOVE YOU OH BABY!!
Slag: Oh how much do I OWE YOU FOR THIS ICE CREAM
ME: Dont worry bitch i'll give you £50 after this fuck besides its a way of saying thanks..

And she thought I was telling her she was a prostitute, but hey she took my ice cream LOL so in the end she turned out as one.


After my educational years I went to get a job being a hired stripper, one guy told me not to take off my pants because once all the girls see my dick theres going to be one gay dressed up as a woman and he'll take a photo and compare his dick to yours and make out hes straight!

So I vowed not to take off my boxers...

On my first night the girls were screaming because I had bigger tits than them but I showed them that its all about eating KFC. After I gave them a show I got fired because apparently I was a bad dancer! My dick was bigger than the pole and i couldn't swing! But I told my manager that my dick thought he was fighting Mike Tyson in a fucking Elevator, so im glad i saved my dick and my life!

Well thats the end motha fuckaz

Miss Universe and some other issues

Yeah man, i mean come on I cant believe Miss japan won it, good on them japanese bitches. Finally realised that now England is an ugly place, miss india was fit but indian bitches tend to be a bit bossy.

Miss Korea was sexy too, yep her name was Honey Lee.. That is a wicked name man!

It already spices up her sex life.


''OH HONEY LEEE, IM SPUNKING HONEY LEE AHH HONEY LEEEE LEEE HONEY LEE..AAHHHH''

''Oh nice one you are spunking Japanese Honey, yep im queen bee mother fucker''


Mind you though, i wouldn't be bothered to fuck either japanese or koreans or chinese.. they all look the same to me..


Although actually, does anyone have a hairy ass? In fact that people do have hair all over man.. But these bitches look like they dont have hair..

I'm gonna discuss the methods of getting rid of hair, now guys shave and women wax or pluck what ever. But they all want to get rid of it..

I've got a new solution to all the hair problems, its easier too!

Sperm is a liquid, when its dry it turns to glue and sticks easily.

Honey lee, the korean bitch got her name because loads of guys spunked in her face, and she got rid of her hair easily.. Honey is Sperm, just added flavour from bees..

Bees produce honey by fucking each other and producing vast amount of liquids!

Koreans found this out first, so before they could do anything they had to give a name ''Honey Lee'' and then the bitch stole it off of them..


Now shes known as honey lee..


Well theres more ways of getting rid of hair, Wax, laser treatment, get your bitch to have braces and then make her suck on your pubes and then get your pubes caught in her braces and pulled out.

In the old days there wasn't many methods only bleaching...So in Germany all the girls idolised hitler and had moustaches. But the guys didn't want bitch hitler to fuck them. So they used bleach, making it harder to see the fucking hair but made no difference...because the bitches would still feel that hair.


Now these days a lot of white people wanna be brown people, LOVE THE SUN YAH YAH YAH..

they should try roasted peanuts and roast chicken. They should try the roast products and see if its tasty before they roast themselves in the sun.. Although there are sun beds and shit, but that just is if you want to fuck and end up with a black hot dog...


I mean if your dick ended up with a fever or a cold, the best thing to do is to put mustard on it and warm it up in a bun.. and your bitch would feel 10 times better to have something warm in her stomach rather than some cold rod.

Well its late now, i gotta pump the next door neighbour's daughter.. laters you mother fuckers

Maybe my last

Well folks, i was told by many people that im not funny. So im going to make this my last one but it depends really...

I was in a party once and this dude goes ''Hello wanker wank, i've seen your blogs, they are not funny''

I never realised how unbelievable this was to me, this person was a geek and told me to improve on my english and also said that my shit was actually shit...

I was running through the rain, when a badger shit all of my shoes, the smell of michael jackson black or white was actually true seeing as he turned into a badger.
Like newspapers, michael jackson wanted to be on the sunday times. I guess which is why he liked to be both colours. But hey that slut didn't beat Skittles the power of the rainbows.

So i kept on running and i ran into a prostitute who was selling her body to me, i only wanted her kidney because i lost one during sex. But she was offering sex not body parts. I kept running then i ran to ebay, where i baught my Sperm from.. Aids free of course, wanker's sperms these days turn to frogs straight away.

As I kept running I ran into a collision, 2 men, 2 dogs and a pile of slags in a sainsburys bag. ''Sorry mate you can't come through here, they are building Sainsburys. 'Sainsburys taste the slags'

Why? i asked.

Because prostitutes need to sell their bodies somewhere, its coming to winter and you dont want frozen food in your bed do you? besides they will be kept warm, half baked in the oven.

SO I turned to my right and kept running....

''CAUTION SIR STOP NOW''

''What the fuck?'' I said

''sorry wanker, someone's rubber sock split during sex''

Dude get the silk ones they come in pairs, I replied

''yeah but its warm in a woman's virginia hole''

What the hell?? A VIRGINIA? you mean Vagina?

''No im talking about the bitches who work in Virgin megastores, they had to rename their pussy to virginia''

Who said that?

''Virgin mary, she made virgin stores so If i was you i would keep moving on''

SO i ran forwards and forwards and i reached to my destination. Another Wanker who was a girl.

''Excuse me, would you care to make strawberry juice with Cream?''

Huh? what?

''Im on my period so im about to make mashed Strawberries, you can spunk and make the cream, are you ready?''


My eyes blew open and I was the happiest wanker in the world, so much beauty, sex action, blood pissing pistol and sex talk.

Happy as i can be i grew towards her and we made our dessert and we had sex in the night and had the most love and sexual experience in the world.

Now we make strawberry milkshake, fuck crusha mother fuckers.

Wanker Wank Spunks on Bollywood

Most of the time, Hollywood is to do with american actors, well bollywood is the Indian version.

Well I found it hilarious that a wanker like me could hit Bollywood. Yes i can spunk that far if a whore helps me too, but to be in the movies is surely much more difficult.

I wandered around the stage, when they had their plots. They were Rehearsing sadam's execution. Which I wanted to know why they hung a dog instead of a person, and the Director Replied

''Well Americans found him in a hole like a dog, so we thought of creating an actual scene''


Then as you know, indian dancers appear and some sort of song in every indian movie...

I found it boring, so i burned the dog and threw the ashes on the dancers, like when they throw flowers when you're getting married. But in this case, i wanted show them my sign of ''get the fuck off the stage you fudge packing whores''


Now as I approached the audience, i found a couple of friends of mine, 2 of them were trying to sneak off to the stage, but as you know, im the person to stop them.

::::::::::::CAUTION::::::::::::::

IRAQI DOG PLANTED OVER FLOOR!!


being in bollywood was quite fun, but i found now white people or any other in fact, I asked one indian why there isn't any white people;

The indian replied

''Those white people are Erasers, they shall erase our audience and make it look like a blank white piece of paper, we need colour''


So I left, i thought fuck it, its night time. I cant see indians at this time!


THE END, WAIT FOR MORE IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF WANKER WANK'S LIFE!!

Future - Producing Children

Thats Right bitches and buffalos, im back!

Ever thought about having kids, well producing little fuckers that say 'Dad' and 'Mum'. Those little fuckers that run around everywhere demanding things?

Ever thought of getting rid of them?

Yeah yeah you say that shit:

''I love my child, i will never let him go''

WELL PEOPLE, LOOK NO FURTHER, EBAY IS HERE - SELL YOUR KIDS FOR A CHEAP PRICE. THEY SHALL BE SLAVES TO OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, HERE ARE THE OTHER POSSIBLE WAYS OF PURCHASING YOUR CHILD:

Sell for £6.50 For BARVA - Yes mother fuckers, Barva is a company that sells kids to chinese people for free lemon chicken, yes the chinese do eat Crabs and sea horses.. But they also eat Lemon Daughters (no wonder the sumos worship Vagina oops i mean Vaginia)

Give to highest bidder at Bid.TV - yes, you know that the highest bidder will get his little bitch doing him favours forever.

Sell to Colgate company - This is for the children who have african teeth

Well those are the companies where you can get children from, kids these days are so bright too. The way they pick up things really quickily, this guy was doing about sex education and stuff.

This one little boy said

''LISTEN YOU OLD CUNT, I KNOW THIS SHIT, YOU BASICALLY STICK YOUR COCK UP THE PUSSY AND EJECT, OUT COMES YOUR SANDWITCH''

I was shocked, he could be the next wanker wank

I was like: ''Guess Santa is off the Cheese Sandwitches now''


Firstly, if you want a child, make him like me! Fully functional wanksta with buttons and vibration. THATS RIGHT BIATCH!!


I was listenin to this kid making some beatboxing noises
and his fucking mate goes

''YEAH BIATCH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH BIATCH YEAH YEAH KEEP IT GOIN YEAH YEAH THE BEAT YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH BIATCH''

What the fuck is this bastard doing?

Bitch say what?
Bitch say what?

I went up to the kid and slapped his face, listen it goes like this:

Bitch Say what? WANKSTA WANK!!
Bitch say huh? CONFUZZED WANKA

YEEE DA GANGSTA WITH A BIG FUCKING WANKSTA IS HERE.. CHECK MY DICK, ITS FLY IT SMOKES COKE AND JUS DONT DIE(its green) I SAW YO ASS BIATCH I JUS HAD TO STICK UP THERE, GOIN IN AND OUT LIKE SHOULD BOUNCE, UP N DOWN ALL AROUND OUT COMES THE WATER AND BITCH WE MAKING UNDERWATER COUNTRIES. NEXT COMES YO DADDY N YO MAMMA

''What are you darling'' SAY WHAT? BIATCH SAY WHAT??
WANKER IS HERE, DARLING?? FUCK THAT WE DONT DO THAT DEAR

WE TAKE THE BATHROOM, WE RUB EACHOTHER.. YOU SHOUT, YOU SCREAM AND I PEER INSIDE

''WANKER WANK WATCHOUT MY PERIOD IS HERE''

BOOM ITS LIKE RESIDENT EVIL TAKIN OUT THE BITCH AND SEEING THE BLOOD COMIN NEAR, THAS RIGHT BOY, YOU AINT TOUGH ENOUGH TO TAKE THE RED SEAS, BECAUSE YOU AINT THE PERIOD PIRATE! THAS RITE WANKER, YEEE BIATCH, YEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH BIATCHH......


And lastly...hungry for hotdog? CHOP YOUR SON'S PENIS OFF AND PUT IT IN A BUN AND YUMM ALL THE DELICIOUS GOODNESS

Celebrity Life

Now Celebrities. They think they are all 'IT' but to be honest I think they are full of shit, but who wouldn't want a Celebrity's life. You get a Good bed, a body guard, massive house and get food delivered to you.

But the thing is Fame, now you go on tv, people start looking at your face and say ''wow hes such a great actor'' and they do admire some very famous people. But it must be annoying to walk out in the street, people are bugging you and asking for autographs.

For example: Lets say I'm famous and I go to my local park to play football or something

Civilian: ''OMG ITS WANKER WANK, HEY MAN HEYY CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH''
Me: ''shut the fuck up and piss off, im trying to go somewhere i got an important meeting''

Civilian: ''please an autograph!, here write it on my ass so i can shove it in my bitch's face and say i met wanker wank today''

ME: yeah she'll probably think your fat ass is full of shit

So you get me, these things are going to bother a Celebrity, People running out and kissing your feet asking for autographs..


Thing is you don't want to be in a situation where you cant move out your house, its pretty annoying all the people out there.. Now here comes the PRESS

Now these son of a bitches like writing on paper everyday ''Wankerwank caught on camera PLAYING FOOTBALL''

Press PLZ SHUT DA FUCK UP BITCH IM TRYING TO GET PRIVACY PEOPLE DONT NEED TO KNOW I PLAY FOOTIE.. But nah they wont shut up unless you do something about it. Like Bill Gates, U dont hear anything about him.. So You got to be like 007 Secret Agent, where you are all quiet and the bastards from the press won't know about you. But Journalism is full of it, they love talking shit to everyone. Now if i was a journalist I wouldn't like Running around being a faggot making a diary of what i've done today and who I have met.

''TODAY I MET A HAIRY BITCH, HER BEARD WAS SO LONG I BRUSHED MY DICK WITH IT, YES IT WAS LONGER THAN MY DICK SO SHUT THE FUCK UP, HER PUBES ARE LONGER BUT NO! IM BETTER!''

Sometimes you think what the hell, lets write stuff cause its the only way to get rid of time. I suggest you wank, Time flies when you wank 20mps and time flies if you suck your dick.

Now whats on about celebrities, Chris Tarrent cheated on his wife, Now that is a big oh My! because the fucker was good in 'who wants to be a millionaire' But the bastard guess wasn't good at home. I suggest he shouldn't cheat.. I mean his wife went through stress, it said on the paper she knew about it all along but didn't want to say anything, she kept herself quiet and put on a smile to show she was happy.. I feel sorry for her, the bitch should've ran for her life, i would've stopped her and given her the time of her ride on my hairy bed full of sperms.

She is so beautiful, but what the heck.. I dont want to fuck a 50 yr old woman for the rest of my life.. I need young people with youth of course! so they can give all the action and not get tired.

Well, i think im going to become a celebrity one day, WANKER WANK HITS TV! Spunked on the aerial!